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Vishal Ostwal

I Write About Life

How Wanting Certain Things Makes Life Hard

How Wanting More Things Makes Life Hard

“Some habits made my life tough. I’m trying to get rid of them. Wanting more is one of them.”

It’s completely normal to find that life’s incomplete. Or to feel restless because you’re stuck in your problems.

But when you think that having more is your answer to end those problems … you may be wrong.

It’s not.

I taught myself to believe a lie

That lie was – when I want more, I’ll have more, and I’ll be closer to success and happiness.

This seemed to be true in some cases, but mostly, wanting more didn’t always bring me happiness.

Wanting more me only led me to somewhere higher, from where I could want even more.

So ‘wanting more’ didn’t make sense to me in some cases, and made my life harder than it is. 

1. Wanting to have what others have

“I felt foolish and ungrateful. I stopped appreciating what I had. This was wrong.”

You can never have enough.

Others always have more than you – a faster car, more money in the bank, a greener lawn, better hair (if you’re bald) and lots of stuff you don’t have.

When you wish for those things, you delude yourself. You think you need more to be happy.

Maybe you do.

But before that, you need appreciate what you have. Life’s never perfect – not even for those who own everything.

I learned that there will be always something less. I’m learning to not focus on the missing pieces of puzzle.

2. Wanting to be like others

“I can make a list of things I’m bad at. I’m not superman. I need to admit it.”

Be who you are first.

Believe that you’re good enough.

Some people are great at discussions. People like them. I cannot always do that.

Others can do flips in the air. Some sing melodiously. A friend of mine is great at math.

I cannot do all that. Or perhaps, I can learn like they had learned. But I need to accept myself before that.

You have the right to be just okay at some things, and to be happy in spite of that.

When you beat yourself too hard, you end up feeling useless. You’re not useless. No one is.

3. Wanting to fit-in

“I’m not like everyone else. I’ve had a hard time accepting myself. I’m never looking back again.”

I’ve tried being normal.

It sucks.

I need to do stuff of my own to feel free. I cannot abide to the conventions. I cannot live and act the way some others do.

I’m cool with that.

Believe me, the world constantly tries to change you … for whatever reason. It thinks it’s making you better, but it only does more harm.

I’d rather be myself and find peace, than please others by becoming a complete faker.

Be who you want to be.

You’re free to be.

Own yourself.

4. Wanting to define my happiness in terms of the world

“What makes others happy wouldn’t necessarily make me happy. I have different terms.”

People think there are certain conventions to being happy – such as owning materialistic stuff or impressing others.

I’m not into that.

This made me think something’s wrong with me. “I should want to want an Audi or a Lamborghini, like most people of my age do,” I thought.

So sometimes I pretend to be thirsty for everything for a while, then I lose, like an inflated balloon loses its air.

Writing makes me happy. Helping businesses makes me happy. Doing stuff while accepting my inner-kid makes me happy.

My reasons and definitions of happiness are different – but then, they’re what really matters to me.

If you wish to be happy, then maybe you should rather find what makes heart chuckle, instead of blindly abiding to the existing conventions.

5. Wanting only what I want

“I thought life can only be right when it happens the way I want it to be. I was darn wrong.”

I always thought of this as the secret to a happy life – you wish for something, you get it, and you do the happy dance.

No.

That was one of my worst assumptions.

I realized that consequences can be a lot different than I expect. I may fail often, or get lost with nowhere left to go. I cannot control everything.

I’m a human.

Still, what I’ve learned over time is that it isn’t wrong when your plans fail. Nothing ends there. It even leads to something better.

So often, it’s a good way to let life have its way and see what comes on your way.

Appreciate the surprises.

Life may lead you astray – but that doesn’t mean you’ve lost your chances.

6. Wanting to be loved

“I felt like people should care about me, or treat me like someone important. How wrong I was!”

I don’t know how love works.

Or maybe a little bit.

Some people mean a lot to me, I wish they care as much as I do. I want people to smile when they see me, and greet me with affection.

I know that it’s alright to want to be respected, loved or treated well, but I realized that the world doesn’t owe me this.

You cannot hold people.

You can only set them free to do as they wish. To be or to not be with you. You too, are free. It feels both innocent and selfish.

But that’s the way it’s supposed to be. You can only give. Love is only pure when you get it. You cannot ask for it.

7. Wanting to always change myself

“I became so concerned about getting better that I failed to regard who I was.”

There are some parts of me I know I won’t change. I don’t want to, anymore.

“Change is good,” they say. No, it isn’t always good. Sometimes it wrecks you and turns you into someone you’re not.

That’s when I feel like a faker. Yes, I’ll improve myself and be great, but not at the cost of my originality.

The constant hunger, pursuit for perfection and wanting to get closer to the things I want falsely made me think that my life sucks the way it is, and that I need to aim higher.

Sure, I do need a better life. That doesn’t mean life’s bad the way it is. I can still be grateful about what I have. I can still find hundreds of reasons to smile each day.

Clear that imaginary cloud of expectations you’ve gathered over time on your head. Accept that you have a good life – you’d feel wonderful!

I’d rather not want ‘more’

Because I deserve peace and happiness.

I can work for what I want and grow from where I am without being too thirsty – it’s a simple truth.

Growing doesn’t mean you can’t have stability. It means that you can feel perfectly alright with yourself while moving towards a better destination.

I might fail to slow down and start scrambling again.

But one thing I’m sure about is that when I want more, I might miss out on living. So I’m trying to want less and live more.

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