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I have already lost a lot each time I tried to gain something. I’m prepared to lose more.

I lost my sleep over this thought.

This seemed unfair to me.

“You can’t succeed without losing something,” I was told. I didn’t want to agree.

“Why do I have to lose something to gain what I have to?” I’d hate losing what I have for what I want to have. Any sane human would.

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There wasn’t a day when I didn’t doubt myself. I looked in the mirror and saw a fool. I had no idea what I was doing.

I might not have expressed this often, but I feared being laughed at. Being pointed out as the clumsy beginner. And then, regretting because of my failures.

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A few years ago, I felt lost.

I still feel the same way, often.

But it used to be worse then. I felt useless, as I thought I was headed towards a never-ending journey. My life was passing, but not the way I wanted it to.

All this while I wished for a reason – a purpose. Something to which I could dedicate myself and feel happy.

Then it changed.

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I should’ve sailed

Once there was an adventurer who resided near the banks of an ocean. He explored the places near him – islands, mountains, rainforests and everything that was there in his vicinity. Quite content he was.

But there was one thing he didn’t do, unlike the other merchants and adventurers – he never sailed the other side of the sea.

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I woke up staring at the shiny screen that popped out notifications, I buried my head within futile applications, and unknowingly cut myself from the real world – that didn’t feel like a life.

Honestly, I regret it.

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When I grow old and look back at life, I want to be smiling.