Stop Outsourcing Your Self-esteem

Stop Outsourcing Your Self-esteem

“You can’t quiet your inner insecurities by finding an external fix. That doesn’t work.”

You might remain sleepless, blame the world for treating you badly or even become somebody you’re not to please others when your self-esteem breaks into fragments. But, that’s not the solution. At the core, it has to be fixed from within.

Try that.

Doesn’t matter which way you use to cover up your vulnerabilities – they show up.

It’s the realization of knowing that your self-esteem doesn’t cling to external stuff that makes you powerful – so damn powerful!

I’ve been there, made a handful of mistakes, and learned a solid lesson. Perhaps, a sensible lesson. It’s not flawless, but yes, it’s sensible.

What lesson? Stop outsourcing your self-esteem.

  • That hike in your salary won’t fix everything
  • Those Nike shoes can’t sugarcoat your confidence
  • Your crush’s compliment wouldn’t bring eternal joy
  • Those social media likes are as futile


Why are you doing, buying or gathering all of that stuff? Perhaps, for more love, respect, and acceptance. I’m only guessing. Well, before you expect those from the world, you’d want to gift all of that to yourself first.

The love, fun, contentment that always appears to be ‘just a step away’ is actually a lot closer to you. You run away from it so you don’t find it. You create barriers.

How do I know? I’ve been there and sought the same things outside myself. That never worked.

I took long enough to realize that self-acceptance comes before anything. I’m still struggling with that, but I’m fine with accepting it as I’m putting in the effort. External factors matter, to some extent, but a major percentage of your self-esteem is only about being comfortable with who you are. That’s it.

But then, how can you create space for self-acceptance and stop depending on the external factors?

Here are some steps to begin with

This is what has worked the most for me, at least, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed and hoping the best you.

  1. Treat yourself fair. Show kindness, keep your self-talk easy, and do the right things to yourself.
  2. Give yourself what you seek outside. What do you feel you lack that you long for? Create it within yourself.
  3. Be enough. Having a bunch of good people by your side is fantastic, still, be fine with being on your own.
  4. Believe that you deserve. Know that you’re worthy of everything that you wish for, as much as anybody else is.
  5. Own yourself. Take pride in your eccentricity and love yourself. In short, be who you wish to be.
  6. Accept your flaws. Avoid forcing yourself to be perfect and be alright with your imperfectness.

There are still a lot of things I can talk about. Who knows, it might even turn philosophical. But the end lesson of it is that give yourself the integrity to be who you want to be.

Life hurts, you make mistakes, and you even feel left-out from the rest of the world – still – never leave behind that one person who always needs to be on your side the most. You.

Rest of it? It’s optional.