Chasing Momentum

I can call it lack of inspiration, creative block, rock roof or any of those fancy things. Doesn’t matter, I still need to show up. Because not writing feels bad.

That’s the way it works. I feel content when I write and I feel like a loser when I don’t. A long delay between any two of my posts means that I was slacking. Not writing feels bad.

So I try to write again

After several guilt-filled days pass, I sit with my laptop. It’s always harder when I write after a long stretch. I know that I can’t wait any longer. And I just can’t close the laptop lid and move away.

I don’t try to create big things.

Instead, I fill the blank paper. I get my hands moving. I know that I could be awful and create rubbish, but still, that’s some honest work. And a lot better than doing nothing.

Is it hard? Yes, always.

Often, I’m the fear-struck loser staring at the blank word doc and trying to click buttons with my frosty fingers. And when I feel like a loser long enough, when I can’t bear the guilt anymore, I’ll write something.

When I doubt whether I can do it the same way anymore, I’ll start with a sentence. I start with a word. I’ll start with a key.

After that, if I’m able to put together something and hit ‘publish,’ I’ll take a breath of relief – because I feel like myself again. I feel good again.

This momentum restores faith.